The Horse and Buggy Lifestyle

I have decided to take a break from my jet setting lifestyle to live like a regular person. I figured it would give me an appreciation of others and might even make me a better man. It must be having some effect considering I went of hippie instead of making a constipation joke. Although, I did just polish off a high fibre smoothie so that could be an issue later. Ok, so it is not entirely my choice but my publicist thought it would be a good idea to try to score some readers by using the New Year’s Resolutions empathy schtick. I’m not usually one to try some hair brained scheme for any pithy reason (editor’s note: by “not usually” he means “always”) but I do like the word “schtick”.

The ground rules had me avoiding bars and cutting back on my spending. Whatever, I thought. No biggie, I thought. Puke, I did… in the toilet. Naturally, the best way to start any period of deprivation is to binge enough so that you won’t have cravings. There is not much point describing the binge night (editor’s note: it was settled out of court), so let’s move on.

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