STEVEBLOG Home on the Range

28Jun/120

I totally watched Encino Man… on purpose

Oh hey internet, I didn’t see you there. I was busy sitting on my couch in teenage girl position… which is how I would describe sitting on the couch with my heels at my bum and my arms wrapped around my knees. If you are thinking something else, then for shame. Seriously, for shame. Luckily, I know my readership and when I say “teenage girl position” you all think something way more wholesome than I can ever come up with. That’s because I’m a monster…. wait, no… I’m… yeah, let’s just go with monster. Anyhoo, this was my total roundabout way of telling y’all that I watched a movie tonight. Yes, a whole entire movie! Not part of it followed by me passing out and waking up several hours later with the menu repeating on my TV, a movie from start to finish! What movie you say? Encino Man.

So several things need to be mentioned about Encino Man; Yes, Pauly Shore is in it, and yes, Brendan Fraser is awesome. Those two are given, but the rest of the movie totally changes based on your life experience. You see, at one time, I was not as awesome as I am now (ie see young Barney Stinson versus his present self), so previously I identified with our protagonist, Mr. Rudy himself, Sean Austin. Unfortunately, time has not done his character any favours. He is supposed to be the character we side with in his goal of rising above the “ignored geek” status but really he’s just a social whore trying to advance his status. [Spoiler] The first time he does something legitimately good, is when he apologizes for getting rid of Link, although Stoney is there too out him as a douche. [/spoiler] So even before that spoiler, this character deserved his lonesome status because he was a dick. You know what Nerd Culture? Being a nerd is not an excuse for being a douche. Douchetitude transcends cultures. Thankfully, as a jock, I solve my problems through physical confrontations (and I can totally take you). For the rest of you, remember one thing: be excellent to each other.

In summary, or “TLDR” for you innernetz peoples, go watch Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. It’s somewhat appropriate with the amount of Back to the Future time travelling memes happening today, although slightly more awesome. You know what? I take that back. Bill and Ted and Marty and Doc should somehow have a crossover superawesome timetravelling extravaganza. Unless that already exists in some form of creepy fanfic… seriously, you crazy fanfic writers, seriously.

Your pal,

Steve

23Sep/110

Big and tall and short and small

Every man had his own quirks and twists - Harriet Beecher Stowe

Wow, starting with a quote makes me feel classy. Thanks high school English class for the idea! Anyhoo, I am here to talk about quirks. Those odd little things that seem normal to you but garner blank stares when you mention them in passing. You know, like your collection of toe nail clippings. I know you claim it is for genetic material for future organ growth but seriously, we all know you are not fooling anyone. Don’t worry, I was not planning on focusing entirely on your idiosyncrasies tonight. No, tonight is all mine. I even picked out one of my stranger ones just for your entertainment!

I like to find small buildings beside large buildings.

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Look at that little building, it’s so tiny!

Yes, small buildings stuck beside much larger buildings. Most people who are interested in architecture would probably care about when the buildings were built, what style inspired them, the reason for the arches or even what the different coloured sections imply but not me. Nope, the relative size difference is what catches my attention. If I had a shrink, I’m sure we would have a good conversation and get to the root of my building size fetish but that is far too straightforward and healthy for me. Random musings and unsubstantiated guesses are more my style.

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Cascading smaller buildings, oh my!

Naturally, when presented with mismatched building sizes, I immediately associate with the smaller building. It could be that the smaller building tends to be older with much more pronounced character but once again, that’s a tad classy for me. No, I believe I associate with the smaller building because of a deep seeded childhood trauma. If I have learned anything from prime time television, it is that childhood trauma plays a huge role in all of our mannerisms. Now, I was by no means a small child growing up, although I played one in real life up until high school. In fact, I made such a convincing small child, I once was blown over by the wind into a puddle. True story, I had to walk home in my gym shorts. It was tough to be towered over by all of the bigger kids.

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Even low lighting a psychedelic camera can’t stop me!

There is one other reason I associate with those smaller buildings. One that is inspiring and surprisingly insightful. Despite being dwarfed by their neighbours, each one of these small buildings stand their ground. They quietly hold their position while being overshadowed by these large, loud towers. That inner strength, the idea of being true to oneself and not changing to grab attention sets quite a good example. These buildings could always cover themselves with neon lights and disco balls to catch the eye but they don’t. Well, they at least hang around until some developer buys the land, tears them down and puts up a giant condominium. C’est la vie.

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Tiny! No, not that one, the one beside the one beside Ubisoft. Yes, it has a separate number.

This concludes our very special episode of Steveblog. I promise the next one will be no where near as classy, with the quotes and French phrases replaces with fart jokes and a picture of someone falling down.

Your pal,

Steve

28Oct/0922

Captain McBloggy and his United Federation of Blogs

Everyone loves blogging about blogging. I prefer blogging about other people blogging about blogging. Hopefully you like reading my blogging about other people blogging about blogging. Really it doesn’t matter though because all 10 of you will read anything I write. Not because you find it particularly interesting, or because of your marginally creepy masochism. No, you come here out of habit (and that virus that keeps setting Steveblog as your home page).

I recently came across a blog called MY INTERESTS: A blog about what I like to do, particularly one post simply titled “Visitors”. You would think that such a focused subject matter would turn people off that blog, but you would be wrong (as always). No, as the Visitors post states, his blog is extremely popular, citing such references as a 100-fold increase in hits and his “classmate’s blogs”. While I’m sure Captain McBloggy and his United Federation of Blogs is the coolest guy in his Star Trek pyjama parties, he may not be the best person to measure up against. Or maybe he just put the apostrophe in the wrong place and he was talking about all of his classmates.

The tragedy of the post hits in the second paragraph. He starts strong with his reader appreciation before leaving us with the promise of more posts to come. Well, it’s been over a year Dave and I’m still waiting. Granted I have only been waiting for a day, but I’m still waiting. Fortunately, I am not a man who stands by and lets the youth of the world be struck down by the heavy hand of reality! No! I hold that hand back, put a giant rock on it, and let it carry on!

Chances are the little tyke will never log back into his blog and never approve my comment, so in in the interest of completion, here are the motivation thoughts I left with him.

Hi Dave!

I just found your blog yesterday and I have to say I’m sorely disappointed that you didn’t keep up the posts. As a fellow blogger, I know how hard it can be to constantly expose yourself to the world without so much of a tug of feedback in return. Actually, my problem is more with my good friends in non-extradition countries that keep telling my readers to buy watches and cheap drugs.

Here’s hoping you return to form because I don’t think I can stand another day of reading Nick’s blog.

Personally, I’m looking forward to being in the search results for Captain McBloggy and his United Federation of Blogs. Don’t worry, brave reader, I’m sure you will accomplish something in your life too. You may one day graduate from those Velcro shoes and tie on a real pair of shoes.

Your pal,

Steve

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