I have a reputation of being an easy target for April Fool’s Day. My problem is that I embody the unfortunate combination of being a good sport and being incredibly gullible. Knowing this, I approach every April Fool’s with a cautious expectation that I will be pranked. Last year I managed to get off easy with a business trip; although taking two flights and driving in Toronto rush hour twice does sound like a joke at my expense… This year I was planning on taking charge and going on the offensive, which quickly was abandoned when I saw my desk. I greeted it with a bunch of pocket stuff to hold on to and it greeted me with a ransom note.
I refuse to edit my writing but I will critique ransom notes.
Pre-caffeinated Steve misread the note and assumed that I would be the one getting executed at the end of the day if I did not find the record. I figured that I have had a good run and I would just leave the joke at that. Then I realized that it was Luigi’s life on the line and I said “F#%@ that, I’m getting that green guy back.” For those who are not aware, Luigi and I have a connection. Everyone has their favourite Mario character and that happy go lucky goofball is mine. Many a night, it would be “Pink-a” Luigi and me against the world in frenzied Smash Bros games. Yes, the pink version of Luigi was my trademark. I knew who was responsible for the ransom note (the font selection gave it away), but little did I know that he was only a part of the conspiracy against me.
It is times like this where being an awesomely observant person like me really pays off. I knew there was a record store down the street, which probably would not have the right album, but I just needed an album to show up the prankster. We even had a farewell lunch planned that would have me walk right past the record store. Unfortunately, my brash confidence lead me to leak this important information so when I showed up at the pub for lunch everyone asked me if I found the record. Rookies. Of course I left the record store stop for after lunch but this gave me the perfect out to play all nonchalant.
After lunch I went to the record store and started flipping through in the odd chance I would find the right album. That is when a guy, who I originally assumed worked there but he may just like hanging out there, said it was nice to see a young guy in buying records. I told him I do not even have a turntable and explained the whole situation to him. At that point another guy in the store got my attention; turns out that my friend’s dad just happened to be record shopping in an obscure little store at the exact same time. We caught up for a bit before I refocused on my task and picked up my substitute record and proceeded to the checkout. There were two people behind the counter, neither one being the one who I thought was working there. Thankfully, that guy decided I was the perfect person to discuss conspiracy theories with because it really passed the time before one of the employees decided they wanted my money.
The office greeted me with “what did you get?” questions that I deftly avoided. I even managed to smuggle the record in without anyone really seeing it. There was a message waiting for me in my inbox from the kidnapper:
You know what needs to be done to save him.
tick tick tick … his time’s running out…
Post it to win it.
I made the drop behind the water cooler. Immediately my first suspect showed up with the record and thought my response was brilliant. However, he did not produce Luigi so I sent him back to re-drop the bounty to try and avoid a Dumb and Dumber moment. Shortly after that Luigi was returned to me from the second conspirator. From there I learned there were at least 4 people in on the conspiracy, but one had not been around to see my brave heroics. If you are thinking an evil grin flashed on my face then you would be right.
At that point I thought “What would JIm do?”. I could wrap his desk, send him faxes from the future, or… wait… I hate Jim, he is unnecessarily mean. Yeah, he may be a bit of a dreamboat but there is fog on those shores, bosun. Instead I went with the lazy cover his mouse pointer with tape. But not just tape, this picture too:
That’sa not-a banana!
Naturally a revenge prank this lame was greeted with a fairly indifferent response. The memorable part was when he checked to make sure I did not mess with the batteries of his mouse. You see, I had replaced his mouse batteries with mini pop-out snakes that totally made him jump. Ok, so I did not even consider messing with his batteries but now that I have thought about it, mini pop-out snakes sound really cool. The end result was the office having a good time, Luigi face being promoted to water bottle status, and Luigi and me being united.
Together forever! Or at least until I change my shirt.
I have two words to say to you April Fool’s: Hi, cutie. I mean, Bring it!