Everyone loves a buffet. There is no wait for your food to be cooked and you can eat all the things you love. Feel like an all bacon breakfast? Done. How about an ice cream dinner? Just add sprinkles. Feel like loosening your belt? Go right ahead. Yet behind this inviting front lies a terrible secret; you will end up paying more for less. You see, these buffets bank on you not eating anywhere near your money’s worth. Ok, so that is not really a big secret because obviously they have to make money somehow. However, I am feeling generous so I will teach you, my faithful reader, how to eat your money’s worth at an all you can eat buffet.
The Declaration of Interdependence was written on a napkin by a… a…
You probably think you can just roll up to a buffet with a big appetite and demolish that heat lamped food trough. Well guess what? You have already lost. Buffets know that some of the tastiest and filling food can also be the cheapest. Your first action is to know your food. You need to know what the most expensive dishes are at the buffet. This varies by restaurant specialty, season, and unpredictable shortages of course, but so remember to keep on top of local prices. Ideally you would set up a graph that tracks price versus filling but we all know how lazy you are (the Velcro shoes are a dead giveaway). A well thought out game plan makes all the difference when it comes to being a chump or a champ.
Feel the burn. That’s indigestion.
So you have mapped out your eating plans and marked your high value foods. Now it is time to skip a meal or two to build up an appetite and chow down, right? Wrong. Hunger is good but starving yourself is a one way ticket to failure. Now you may be used to failure but that is a stench I just cannot wear. The key to filling your stomach is bringing the largest stomach possible to the table. How do you do that? Simple, eat more leading up to the feast. Stomachs are elastic, so stretching them with large meals is necessary to maximize your consumption capacity.
3) Game Day
Anyone see my contact down there?
You have a food strategy. Your stomach is at peak capacity. What comes next? Build that appetite. No, don’t starve yourself. Remember 4 sentences ago? You want to go the other way by working up an appetite through some good old fashioned exercise. The body uses food as fuel so naturally if you burn through some energy you will need more. Ergo, more exercise leads to more hunger. I know, crazy isn’t it?
The Simpsons may have given us the impression that we can eat a restaurant out of business through sheer tenacity but that is far from the truth. You see, unless you are a champion eater then you will need to follow an eating regiment to ensure success. If you are a champion eater then you are already doing it, smart ass. So just this once, rise above the normal. Extend beyond the average. Follow my three steps and you can guarantee that you eat more than your $15 worth at your next buffet. Or stay at home and eat potato chips, but hey, it’s your life.