STEVEBLOG Home on the Range

17May/101

Movie Sequel Monday – In The Army Now

15 years ago, the world was different than it was now. I would describe it to you, but you are either old enough to know for yourself or too young to care. Either way, I have better things to do then to be your remedial history teacher. The important thing is that Pauly Shore was the “it” guy of comedy. Then like many comedians, the same viewers that begged for more of the same decided to discard his tired, repetitive act.

Ok, so maybe I’m being a tad generous with his movie career. The point is that Pauly Shore had a better schtick than barely being able to keep a straight face telling lame jokes (Jimmy Fallon, I’m looking at you) or being overly straight faced and speaking in a low, grumbly voice before exploding into comedic anger (naughty, naughty Christian Bale). Since Pauly Shore is at least as good as those two so-called funny guys, he deserves another shot. And what better vehicle than the sequel to his most popular movie set in a desert country than In the Army Now!

In The Army Again

inthearmyagain

You may remember that at the end of the original film that Pauly Shore, who plays Bones Conway (that’s such an awesome name), opens an electronics shop with his buddy (played by Andy Dick!). Their zany plan from the original movie had them joining the reserves to earn the capital to start the store never thinking they would be called to action. Times have changed; superheroes wear black leather suits instead of brightly coloured tights, pop music is dominated by synthesized voices instead of synthesized music, and Brad Pitt is a dirty bum instead of a charming heartthrob (editor’s note: He’s still a heartthrob). One thing that has not changed is Bones fun loving approach to life.

In fact, that positive approach has rewarded Bones with a highly successful nationwide electronics chain and Dick with a wicked coke addiction. Despite being such important businessmen, they still find time to have remote controlled helicopter destruction derbies in the comfort of their own stores. Unfortunately, the good times come to an end when Uncle Sam calls all former reservists back in action to the war conflict rebuilding of Iraq. They are immediately shipped overseas and put under the watchful eye of an extremely gruff, and also recently re-recruited, sergeant played by everyone’s favourite, Michael Ironside.

If this were an Oscar drama, the free spirited hippies would be crushed by the brutality of reality, ending in a depressing revelation that their idealistic ideals are not enough to carry them through life. That is to say one would die and the other would lose a couple of limbs and return to America only to be chastised by the dual stigmas of being a soldier and a cripple. Thankfully, this is a comedy and we can count on their hilarious hijinks converting the straight laced sergeant into a hip-hoppin’, bip-boppin’, disco superstar.

There probably needs to be some semblance of a plot, so let’s go with the “oppressed locals are wary of foreign help while the military is happily ignoring their basic needs in pursuit of the big bad so the plucky heroes disobey orders and single handedly win the war and the hearts of the locals”. Toss in a few pot references, the odd poop joke and some good old fashioned “A-whoooo, buuuuuudeee!”s and you have a movie.

What’s that Hollywood? Not good enough for you? Alright, fine. I’ll toss in some random sex appeal. Let’s see who was hot last year….

popsearches

According to Google users, either Lady Gaga or Beyonce will be cast as the “daughter of a former general who also happens to be hot and falls in love with the not so gruff hero”. Yes, I know I have used quotes far too much for a single story but seriously, this sequel is begging to rip off every stereotype possible.

The old combination of slapstick humour, current sex appeal, and a sprinkle of social undercurrents pretty much guarantees another box office hit. You’re welcome Hollywood.

Your pal,

Steve

Also, I know you are having problems deciding between Lady Gaga and Beyonce but let Google image search’s first result clear that up for you.

sexappeal The choice is obvious: Lady Gaga. Seriously, Beyonce has way too sparkley of a bikini to be cast in a Pauly Shore movie, come on! I swear, they really need to start teaching this stuff in remedial casting 101.