Ranking things is second nature to people. No, actually it’s more like primary nature. I just realized that I don’t think I’ve ever heard the term primary nature before. Obviously secondary nature refers to something that comes easily to someone, but what is easier than easy? Ice easy! Sorry, Hey Ya just popped in my mind there. My point is that people like to rank things because categories and bins are so much easier to handle than a bunch of hole-punch confetti. Yes, that did make sense in my mind. No, you don’t understand because it is esoterically phrased to be understood by the only person that matters. You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
Getting back to the original topic, (editor’s note: Returning to the topic? Is this Steveblog or USA Today?), people subconsciously rank events in ways that often seem counter intuitive. Take the following paraphrased conversation from the highly popular sitcom, Friends.
“I’m sorry, I cheated with your girlfriend.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“No! No, no, no. I just kissed her.”
“What?!! That’s way worse!”
“How is that worse!”
“I don’t know, it just is!”
That exchange was brought to us by Mr. Joey Tribbiani and Chandler Bing. No, Chandler is not the father of Microsoft’s competition to Google. Although, you have to admit, if Chandler announced your search results, you would totally use Bing over Google. “Could I… find any more websites?” (shakes hands)
Ok, you got me. I only just noticed the Chandler Bing / Bing thing and felt I had to share that with the world. At least we got a Frank Stallone joke out of it.
My doughnut psycho-analysis post was such a hit, that I figured it was time I spewed out some more life changing observations about you and the people you “love”. I use the term love very loosely because hiding in the bush across the street staring up to your object of affection’s window isn’t really love regardless of how often you carve it into your arm with a sharpened popsicle stick. Today’s topic is one that you’ll especially like since your reaction will be “hey, I have that! What is he going to reveal about me?!”. That’s right, I’m talking about hair (sorry Stu, you’ll just have to go back to looking in the mirror and crying).
Yes, hairdos have quite a bit to say about you but not always what you might think. For instance, blond medium length hair on a guy says that he’s a laid back fun loving guy, who probably spends Wednesday nights getting high and watching Wipeout.
Hey, did you know the sand is actually millions of tiny rocks?
Take the slicked back brunette. There’s your classic anti-establishmentarian with a heart of gold and a jacket of leather.
I live my life, not the life that those suit wearing, shirt tuckers want me to live.
Now what do you get when you combine the slick back coolness and fun loving blonde? Douchebag.
Hey guys, does this robe make my butt look big?
So now that we’ve established that your perception of hair is wrong we can start examining what hairstyles actually say. You better believe that if I have enough material to write a psychology textbook about doughnuts that I could write an encyclopedias worth of information about hair. Obviously I’m not going to write it all out at once because your stunted attention span could never handle it. Seriously, if you could read for more than 5 minutes you would probably be reading a book instead of this. So instead consider this the forward to my Haircyclopedia Steve-ica, a randomly recurring series on my favourite blog, and yours, Steveblog.